Wow where to begin?1. Dave, Heather and the Sunshine Killer'
Yesterday was the perfect day. My wife and I played 'ill' yesterday and took a day trip into Chicago, stopped by the Shedd aquarium, walked around and had a very wonderful (and first day off together in two years) day. Then we get home and there it was! The day-ruiner and devourer of happy thoughts, think of it as the 'Dementor' for us in muggle-land. So what could this object of pure hatred be?
A letter from the IRS saying I f****d up our 2007 takes and help me rectify the situation they would like an ungodly amount of money like tomorrow. (Okay, three weeks but still). Thank you IRS for ruining our first perfect day together. I'm going to call tomorrow and ask if they accept kidneys for payment rather than cash. (I'll give them the one filled with time-bomb stones I don't like it anyway.)
2. FREEZE SUCKA!!
Next on the list is my most favorite gaming system since the Super Nintendo: Xbox 360. Oh what wonderful games you have! Oh my are those exclusive titles like Mass Effect and Halo 3? Oh wait what... you have RRoD issues.. overheating.. loud fans and constant freezing? Oh.. umm.. maybe we should just, you know, be friends?
Well my system hasn't reached the dreaded Red Ring of Death yet but I'm getting a more substantial amount of random freezing while playing. I tried installing Star Ocean onto the hard drive but again (and at the *#*$@NG END OF THE GAME WITHOUT SAVE POINTS!!) it just freezes and poof I have to start again. This has only happened with a handful of games but I've never had this number of issues with a system since the first NES back in the 80's (and no blowing spit and PBJ particles into the cartridge never did help me either.) I've had 'Disc Read Errors' and now multiple freezing issues so I'm afraid I may be without an XBOX soon. *sigh*
3. Smoke monsters don't like the cold
Well this week also brought something of a first for us, the smoke monster visited our HVAC system and tried to take me out; Mr. Eko style. You think "turn HVAC from Heat to Cool and it should work right? Well ours decided to fill out upstairs bathroom with the most rancid, burnt chemical toxic plume of horrible you could even imagine. Suffice to say it is now on 'off' and will stay there for the time being.
Owning a home is a wonderful thing and at the same time the worst decision anyone can ever make. How is that possible you ask? Let's break down the basics of 'positives' and 'negatives' first.
Positives:
- You don't have to hear your 300lb neighbor upstairs wheezing through a session of the horizontal mambo as the bed frame cries out for help, only to conclude with a soul-crushing 'EEEEwwwrrrrrrrraaahhhh!" followed by uncomfortable silence anymore.
- Walking around in your underwear isn't just a risky option, it's a certified necessity.
- You can turn up your surround sound system while watching a movie without risking your life because you no longer have to fear a gun-toting drunkard who lives beneath you, who is one can away from a multile homicide rampage, making you the first of several killings that evening.
Negatives:
- Things fall apart and like to do so at the same time. I'm now convinced electronic devices can speak to one another and plan timed suicide attempts to drive us all into bankruptcy.
- You have to actually work on the place. Cut the grass? Spend $$$ for landscaping you will never even look at except for the 2 seconds it takes you to drive up to your garage and get out? Fix the roof? HVAC system spewing toxic fumes? Plumbing break? Sign me up!!
- Neighbors are still there and can be just as weird and annoying. Some like to do yard work shirtless (looking at you middle aged overweight guy), some like to leave their lawn at about 12in tall before cutting it and others leave animals out to whimper and cry throughout the evening.
So there you have it, my "Trifecta of Evil". I promise posts in the future won't have such an obvious dark humor and bitter sadness to them but the last three days have been rough and I felt like sharing. Hopefully you can laugh with, and at, me.
4 comments:
I feel for you on the taxes, dude. Last fall I got a letter from the good folks at the IRS telling me I had screwed up our 2006 returns and had three weeks to pay up. Kind of a kick in the teeth since I hadn't even gotten a refund that year.
And yes, appliances and homes like to talk and coordinate their breakdowns. They especially like to time their attacks to when you are hosting parties or having overnight guests.
That sucks man. I mean, I knew about your HVAC smoke monster and stuff. But, wow, I don't even know what to say . That really sucks and I feel for you. I'm not sure what we would do in the situation. So sudden and it can really make an impact on your planning in life.
Oh, the tax thing sucks too.
Ah yes I remember that you share by delayed IRS woe! Even when I know a rebate check is in the mail the second I see an envelope with IRS on it my heart skips a beat and I have the sudden urge to soil myself.
Chubby, you got me! XBOX before IRS woes in rank =)
And no special shout out for my amazing Photoshop skills? I even gave him an English accent! Pip Pip Cheerio!
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